Not a sex chat but still entertaining.
You: Hi
You: Who is this?
Stranger: If I told you this was god
Stranger: would you believe me?
You: Probibly
Stranger: This is god
Stranger: whats up??
You: Nice to meet you
Stranger: hows earth doing
You: You would know. Being god and all.
Stranger: i know it's been a while but, i'll be back
Stranger: I sorta took vacation
You: What do you mean Back?
You: How can god take a vacation? You cant exacly go to hell
Stranger: eh, hells a little too warm for me anyways
Stranger: dude space is pretty cool
Stranger: you should come out here some time
You: You know, I would love to come and visit you but... I sorta have this problem
Stranger: what doth trouble you?
You: Well, I'm a Rhinocerus.
You: And I dont think they allow us to go to space.
Stranger: oh.. yikes... thats rough
You: Yeah, tell me about it
Stranger: Well, take action! Demand it
Stranger: demand a change
You: How? I dont speak people language!!
Stranger: I heard a black man is president in the US... see?? Anything can happen!
You: So what? Thats like saying a horse can have sex with a donkey and make a baby called a mule, its easy because its sort of the same family
Stranger: Can you write?
You: How the fuck can I write? I dont have any fucking opposable thumbs! :(
Stranger: hey, elephants are doing pretty good
Stranger: so I fucked up not giving rhinos thumbs
Stranger: is baby gonna cry?
You: Yeah, everyone likes elephants,
Stranger: jesus christ man I can't give every species what they want.. that'd just be.. rediculous
You: Fuck you god. And i have a question for you
Stranger: What
Stranger: what now
You: Whats with this fucking horn at the top of my head? Seriously, there is NO USE for it! Its too high up to skew marshmellows, and its like 20000000pounds!
You: I mean, Fuck?!
Stranger: ...well.. what? I thought it would be pretty cool for.. i dont know.. stabbing things
You: What can I stab thats that high? Its so heavy I cant jump and stab birds, and its too high so I cant stap things i dont like
Stranger: dont tell me you haven't stabbed a poacher yet?... Thats sorta why I gave it to you.. to stab poachers
You: I mean jesus christ, cant I exchange it for some opposable thumbs?!
You: A poacher? Umm... why would I want to do that?
You: Rhinos are vegetarians, we eat leaves.
Stranger: ...sorry man, it's kinda too late for changes now... Stupid ass Darwin had to go and invent natural selection.. that bitch I can't change things instantly anymore
Stranger: Well... you either.. get poached.. or you dont
You: He didnt invent natural selection, he invented the theory. You can still help me!
You: Ugh..
Stranger: I'd think if you had opposable thumbs.. those poachers would just.. rape you
You: Lol, yeah, i guess...
You: Omg! Hey god! I made a rhyme for you!
You: Can I read it to you?
Stranger: know I've got.. a lot to do
Stranger: I'm kinda busy
Stranger: all these people
Stranger: prayin.. n' shit
You: Too bad. Your omnipotent so you can do as much as you like when ever you like!
Stranger: thats a myth
You: no, its not.
You: Come on, its like 4 lines long
Stranger: how the hell do you know
Stranger: i'm god
Stranger: I know everything
You: Fine then, whats my rhyme?
Stranger: I don't recall... I only remember important things
You: Liar!
You: Ok, just let me say it
You: Heres my rhyme:
Stranger: fuckin- a
You: If omniscient god,
You: who knows the future find,
You: the omnipotence to,
You: change his future mind.
Stranger: you know I thought I invented everything... but a rhyming rhino... I didn't do that.. what the fuck happend
You: Yeah, I'm probably some mutant offspring, maybe my mother stabbed me accidentally with her fucking non-useful horn on her head?! Huh?!
You: Do you like it? I wrote it myself, well, not really, since I have no fucking thumbs which we discovered earlier
Stranger: you know
Stranger: that wasn't bad
You: Aww, really? Thank you! ^_^
Stranger: but dont quit your day job... which is lying in dirt eating... dirt
You: Ugh, you know that is actually hard work
You: And we cant get our horns dirty when we lie in dirt since, well, you know, we would drown if we tried to wash it off.
Stranger: dont worry there'll be a reason for that
Stranger: some day
Stranger: I just haven't figured things out yet
You: Oh really?
Stranger: kinda why i took the vacation
You: Thats good, get everything prioritised and sorted out
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: because everytime I come back
Stranger: i get some fucking rhino asking for thumbs
You: Fuck you! You took away my thumbs and gave me a fucking horn!?!?!? How would you feel if that happened to you?
Stranger: WELL FOR ONE I wouldn't be bitching to god about it
Stranger: and I'd be out fucking stabbing things
Stranger: like stumps and shit I dont care
Stranger: and last time, some punk ass bitch whale wanted wings... WINGS! what the fuck is a whale going to do with wings under water
You: Well it was your fault for making them so god damn obese
You: If an 8 foot man stands on his tippie toes with his hand in the air, I could try to stap his hand
You: but then again, rhinos cant jump. Good one, genius.
Stranger: you know what
Stranger: I dont need this shit
Stranger: i'm taking another vacation
You: Fuck you. Couldn't you just put a brain in that big usless fucking horn of mine?
You: Dont! Fix us first! God dammit!~
You: You cant run from your fucking problems! You need to fix them!
Stranger: Oh I'll damn it alright.. I'll damn it up your ass
Stranger: how would you like that huh?
Stranger: your horn up your ass... Try walking around in the dirt all day with that
You: :( That hurt my feelings.
Stranger: oh .. listen
Stranger: im sorry
Stranger: you know what
Stranger: I could of sworn I gave you guys thumbs
You: :O Really?
Stranger: that bitch Noah must have taken the two mutants on his shit ship
You: Oh my God that Fucking Noah!
Stranger: Yeah man
You: Thats it. I'm going to build a time machine to go back in time and whip his ass.
Stranger: That's probably a good idea... hey dont go back too far though... I had some embarrasing "teen" years I'd rather... no one find out about
You: Let me just get a pen and paper and write out some blueprints.... Oh thats right.... I CANT! Thanks for the non-existant thumbs, Asswipe.
Comments (0)
2436 BCE